The nudist colony

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony in Oklahoma . On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection. The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for me?'
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.
'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.'Here's my membership card.. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500.00 membership fee..'
But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'
'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart about 15 times a day.
I'm outta here.'

Definition of Heaven and Hell

Watch a foolish man

In Pakistan only.
He didn’t know how to open the automatic door

Δείτε εδώ!

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Just Smile!

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,''That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wifeat all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband.' But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he hasbeen living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. 'The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City The agent replies, 'Justa minute.''Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears andasks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used insurgery,' he answered..
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.'Oops!'

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a displayof bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
And, my favorite is:

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied byeven more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there!

Baby Break Dance

The generation Y

People born between 1925 and 1945....Are called... The Silent Generation
People born between 1946 and 1964...Are called.... The Baby Boomers
People born between 1965 and 1982...Are called.... Generation X
People born after 1983...Are called.... Generation Y

BUT.........Y ?

Why do we call the last group of people ... Generation Y?
I had no idea until I saw this caricaturist's explanation!
A picture is worth a thousand words!

Y
Y
Y
Y
Y
Y
Y

The truth about Apollo 20

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Global warming... result!

Budget Cuts for 2009!

DUE TO WORLD FINANCIAL CRISIS & BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS THE NEW OFFICE POLICY...

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bathroom Breaks:Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm willsound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After yoursecond offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

P.S. I really wonder how safe the chair is ????????.... Should anyone break their neck then there'll be heaps of lawsuits against the employer for "Injury in the workplace" & lawsuits against HOT beers given the nature of the mini bar (too bad trying to reach for an Iced Cold FOSTER'S!!!!!!) ;)

A damn fine explanation!

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset.

'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.

'How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied:

'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed, 'but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began:

'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued:

'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

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Let's laugh!

Just smile!

For more funny photos have a look at the site epikairo
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